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Why NOT Being The Golden Child Can Be Your Best Hope



We all have an ideal that we look up to and wish we could emulate. Sometimes it starts very early, we worshipped the kid in elementary school that seemed perfect and had all the good toys. When we are teenagers, we would give anything to have the perfect hair, the perfect body, the perfect boyfriend… or maybe it was grades, leadership or being the best athlete. Most of us spend our lives wishing we were a “Golden Child”- those that seem to have everything handed to them and those to whom everything comes easy. Wanting it ALL and wanting to get it by the easiest and quickest means possible becomes an all encompassing career for some people.

In spite of all that we have seen lately, history has proven that the most fulfilling and important lives have been those that were disadvantaged, troubled or riddled with difficulties. Why is there such a disparity between what we worship and what is really important ? Why is it human nature to envy what we know in our hearts is really only illusion ?

I was thinking about this and I started making a mental list of those people that prove beyond any doubt that humble beginnings can make for greatness. I am well aware that there are many people out there that are heroes that we will never hear of….but here’s a few that we all know, just to get the ball rolling.

Nelson Mandela- it’s amazing to think of what this man endured and how he turned his life into a force for good and change. 27 years in prison would break anyone but Mandela taught the world that finding love in your heart is possible no matter what horrific conditions a person goes through. I love his quote: “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I would still be in prison”. I wonder if, during the worst of those 27 years, he could have ever imagined that his life would turn around so completely and he would become such an inspiration to the whole world.


Queen Elizabeth 1- The Daughter of King Henry VIII and Ann Boleyn, she lost her mother at 2 years old, was declared “illegitimate” for a time and had to endure many attempts on her life and all kinds of treachery to ascend to the throne of England. Once there, she brought England out of financial ruin and the dark ages, ruled for 44 years and made England THE true power in the world. A great quote from near the end of her reign: “Of myself, I must say this, I was never any greedy, scraping grasper, nor a strait, fast-holding prince, nor yet a waster. My heart was never set on worldly goods but for my subjects’ good”. She was a real Bad-Ass in a time when women were considered nothing. If you want to really get my point, read “Elizabeth 1, CEO- Strategic Lessons From The Leader Who Built An Empire” by Alan Axelrod.


Helen Keller- Come on !! Is there any better example ?? What would YOU do if you were deaf and blind from 19 months old….. what COULD you do ?.  Annie Sullivan became her teacher and Helen was able to learn to communicate. Helen went on to write a number of stories and books, including her own autobiography at 22. Helen also became a voice for Women’s Suffrage and labor rights.  Proof that if the spirit is willing- ANYTHING can be accomplished. Helen said: “Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties”  WOW- seems so simple and if she could do it…is there any reason we cannot?.


There are so many more and I will leave you to find your own examples. In these strange times, when values have been twisted and the best parts of humanity are obscured in favor of adoring the rich,famous and hot, we need to remember that being The Golden Child isn’t always what we really need or the way to find the best of what’s inside us. Things are hard for everyone these days, there are so many challenges but those hardships can turn into triumphs if you keep your vision clear, keep your faith right next to you and always have hope.

Take some time to think about what you have come through in this life and give yourself some credit for all your hard work and patience. We are all a work-in-progress and it ain’t over yet !!

Happy Summer!



Your Goals and Desires-The Movies in Your Head vs. Reality


One night while watching TV, I heard one of the most profound lines ever uttered about life.The character was a successful woman that seemed to have everything and yet that wasn’t the case at all. Upon telling the truth about her situation, she gave some advice: “Stop thinking that it’s going to look like what you think it’s going to look like”. WOW….think about that for a second. We make plans and talk about the future all the time and when we entertain those thoughts, we picture whole scenarios and things play out as though we are watching a lovely, exciting film starring us at our very best. Now think….when and if these plans ever actually materialize, do they EVER look and sound EXACTLY like you imagined ?? Maybe a few scenes have been left on the cutting room floor…

Sometimes, things do work out according to plan and that’s a beautiful thing but most of the time, we get a slightly altered version. Something similar but not EXACTLY what we pictured. We may have left significant parts out and there’s more to the story than we bargained for. I’ve said it before- attitude is everything ! You can realize your dreams AND make room for all the little details and extras that come with them.

Planning for every single scenario is virtually impossible- life just doesn’t really work that way and yet visualizing what you want in life is such an important part of being successful. Having complete desire based on a definite goal is a guarantee that you will receive what you want. It has happened in my own life so many times that I know it’s something I can count on. That’s not to say that one can predict an absolute outcome or an absolute time that things will materialize. I just know that for me, the goal will come when it’s right ,when I am ready AND only if it’s what I truly, absolutely desire. I’ve also learned that there’s always a little more that accompanies the good stuff- a few side-dishes, if you will. I have learned to be grateful, even when I didn’t expect certain things that came with my entree!

I think it’s important to realize that we are here to learn, to grow and to give. I also think that when visualizing and planning your desire, it’s helpful to get into the habit of saying “And Then What?…”

If that dream comes true…..how will it affect all the big and little things in your life? How many other things may change because of it? Are you willing to experience change in other areas to make room for this new thing ? How far are you willing to go to make it a reality ? If it happens and isn’t quite what you thought it would be- can you handle that and still be grateful ?  I believe everything is connected and that everything is an opportunity-what you do with it is what truly matters.

As Humans, we can never be 100% sure of anything and Lord knows- SHIT HAPPENS. It’s just important to not think so much about “what it’s going to look like” and think more about what you are willing to accept in your life. I think one of the most important things to being happy is to get out of your own way. I’ve talked about this before and I’m working every day within my own life to get there. Finding the balance between dreaming big and accepting life is the key. 

I am a huge Dr. Wayne Dyer fan and I love to play his audio books when I am making my way through Southern California traffic.  Ya…gives me LOTS of time to listen and reflect!  I highly recommend his work, you will always enjoy the inspiration and the humor. I leave you with a great quote of Dr. Dyer’s :

“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be”

Thanks for reading and considering!




Success and YOU- Did You Sign The Slip ??



I once went to a session with a Life Coach. I was working for a friend who insisted that all of us in the office go and see this woman, who was also her client. It would be good for us, she said AND it would be great for me in particular as I was going through a bad divorce at the time. My friend is one of the kindest souls I know ,one of those people that goes above and beyond for everyone. With this in mind, I reluctantly prepared myself for what would surely be a more than slightly uncomfortable time. 

The session turned out to not only be the people from our office, but several people of different types with different types of lives and careers. One in particular stands out to this day. A woman had been a model and was starting to branch out into the world of fashion design. She talked about her life, her insecurities, her goals and her marriage. She made it clear that in spite of her ambitions, her Husband wasn’t really on board with all that she was doing and she was desperately trying to get focused and push through despite his unsupportive attitude. At the time, I thought “good luck with that !” . She seemed insecure and not real strong. Oh how WRONG I was ! 

A few years later, I began hearing her name. Turns out she has become one of the biggest names we have in designer fashion. She was able to process all the things she talked about and come out the other end widely successful. YAAAY !! Don’t you just love those stories ?

I was thinking about it and I realized that being successful hinges on your ability to give yourself permission to do so. You have to put everything aside, believe in your vision, ignore your haters, deal with your loved one’s opinions and keep going until you get there. Easier said than done but it CAN be done. I now know that even though that was 10 years ago, I was there that day to learn that lesson and somehow use it in my own life when I became ready.

When you think of an opportunity or a vision for your life that you would like to materialize, do you have a sure feeling inside with no hesitation ? OR do you feel yourself stepping on what I like to call the “Emotional Brakes”…A feeling of fear, uncertainty and hesitation that keeps you from hearing and feeling a big “YES'” inside. 

It’s hard sometimes, but you must give yourself permission to move forward in life. Whether it be professional or personal, you must be sure and you must know in your heart that you are ready to create what it is you want. It may bring change- BIG change- but you are ready. If you were not, the goal would not be there in your mind and heart in the first place. 

Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. Work hard and your goals will be there for you, waiting with open arms.

Have a wonderful and safe Memorial Day Weekend!

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MEAN Is The New Black


Have you noticed the preponderance of meanness these days? WHY Y’all wanna be so MEAN? It seems everyone thoroughly enjoys just plain being mean to people. It’s become like a new sport or the cool new trend-I’m talkin’ snotty teenager-bad attitude-let’s hurt someone on purpose MEAN. Gotta say…I don’t like it. Even though we ALL have those tendencies within us, I have been trying to quell the desire to just let loose when I feel the urge to unleash some snotty comment. When I feel a zinger welling up inside, begging for an audience, I ask myself “Do you really need to say that?” and most of the time, the answer is NO.

I’ve also noticed that often women bear the brunt of it. Not trying to be Miss Feminist but it’s out there so much these days that it’s become standard. We have all waited in line at the grocery store and seen the tabloids that feature a collage of shots of celebrities on their down time, trying to enjoy a moment at the pool or the beach and the cellulite on their legs and butts is magnified. There is also a lovely issue of “Let’s show a woman known for her beauty looking OLD with wrinkles and no make-up!” We all know that the major make-up, lighting and air brushing that is used for these people would make ANYONE beautiful. Magazine covers are routinely Photo Shopped to make unwanted curves disappear or to create curves that are not even there. The standard of beauty had become so unrealistic it’s truly disturbing. Is there any wonder that so many celebrities suffer from eating disorders and paranoia about their looks? Running to have plastic surgery for the slightest imperfection is normal for many. If that were you on the cover of a tabloid with a headline talking about how fugly you are cuz you ran out to get coffee in sweats and no make-up, you may have some self esteem issues to deal with too.

There is something even worse going on right now that is truly disgusting. Famous women that have become pregnant are now regularly ripped apart for being “fat”, gaining what others perceive as “too much weight”. We have Kim Kardashian, at about 5’2” and all curves, being made fun of in the media almost daily. They rip her clothes, her body and say the nastiest things you could ever say about a woman, let alone a woman who is pregnant. When did this behavior become acceptable? Other celebrities have already had their babies and if they don’t get back to Size 0 within 4-6 weeks it’s a problem. When was it decided that the most important thing to do after giving birth is to get skinny and fabulous?.GEEEEZ…I thought you were supposed to enjoy your Brand New BABY and get used to being a new Mom NOT make your first priority to look amazing in a bikini!.Yet they know that if they don’t get back into shape ASAP, the daggers will come out. The average woman out there sees the scrutiny and feels that she too had better put that baby down and get to Spin Class NOW. Why ? Being thin won’t make you a better Mom but being emotionally healthy will.

Bullying has been a part of life for everyone since the beginning of time. We all remember school days and the crap that went on that regularly hurt our feelings and humiliated us. “Mean Girls” wasn’t just a film for many. Look at what has gone on lately with politics. Our President has been the victim of some of the nastiest bullying that the country has ever seen. Presidents have always been the fodder for jokes but some of the things that have been said about this man are way beyond what would be considered decent. Call it racist if you want or say that it’s due to the current climate of division in this country. Any way you slice it- it’s wrong. Some idiot Congressman even nailed the First Lady for having a “large posterior”

WHAT ??? Do we really say stuff like that now?? Does a man say that about another man’s wife in public EVER- whether or not he likes that man’s politics?  I don’t think so!

By the way- The CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch doesn’t want you to buy his clothes if you’re not pretty, skinny and cool !

There’s Howard Stern, Chelsea Handler, Joan Rivers and even Donald Trump. It trickles down from “funny” TV Personality to Joe Blow on the Street to Joe Blow’s 10 year old kid. It creeps in and takes a hold and then that’s it-the winning formula is:

Be Mean=Get Laughs= Feel Like The Cool Kid.

I hope it will turn around. I wish we could all think before we open our big, fat mouths. I encourage my kids (15 & 18) to be funny but not at the expense of other people’s feelings. We kid around a lot but it’s NOT mean-spirited. It’s sad to me that we actually have to start a movement to tell young people that “It Gets Better” so that they won’t commit suicide after being harassed for whatever makes them different.

This week, give it a shot, think about it, talk about it.

I leave you with this:

“This is my simple religion. No Need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness” – Dalai Lama XIV

Have a great week,


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Howz About A Nice, Steaming Cup of HOPE ?


First: Get out of your own way

I love to read and I read all kinds of things about everything. A man I dated once told me:      “You know stuff !” I was flattered and if that’s true it’s because I read stuff. I am not much for Fiction- I usually prefer to read Biographies and especially Autobiographies because I find people’s stories fascinating. Everyone has an interesting life. We all have peaks and valleys and when someone has a whole lot of valleys and even just a few great peaks, it’s inspiring.We learn a lot about ourselves by learning about others. 

A common thread is the fact that we as humans can be so smart about “things” and yet so dumb about our own selves. We see things too late and put ourselves through painful scenarios which turn to painful learning processes which can turn to helpful instruction for anyone willing to listen.Hopefully,our personal trials and triumphs can teach a little something to someone who needs it and then they can apply it to their own lives. That’s optimistic, I know and in reality human beings will be human beings and sometimes you just can’t tell a thing to that person who really needs to hear it. 

You must be ready to live the life that you desire. You must be willing to make whatever changes are necessary and you must be HONEST with yourself. Most of all you must be willing to get out of your own way to be the person you know you can be. Think….what is holding you here in this place you are now ? Is it because you truly desire this current life or is it because you won’t move your ass to the the next cycle ?  Are you crying and complaining but refusing to change a thing ?. You are NOT alone and we have all done it, sometimes on a small scale and sometimes it’s HUGE.

Fierce Solution:

Make a list- on paper or just in your head. List the things you really want to do- REALLY want to do. Now make a list of why you feel you are not doing those things. Now look at that list. Are these things excuses ?  Are they changeable but inconvenient ?  Would you offend or make others uncomfortable by changing them ? Are you just simply afraid ?? 

Whatever is keeping you from being what you dream of being can be removed. It is not impossible- look at all the people that have overcome seriously impossible odds to get to where they wanted to be. Pick up a book or magazine or watch a movie about someone that inspires you and use that hope for yourself. 

Get out of your own way and let things start to happen. You can’t be Fierce by being complacent, apathetic or a victim. You CAN be Fierce by knowing yourself- for better AND for worse- and moving ahead anyway. One little life-affirming step can set you in motion and put you on course to going exactly where you want to be. 

This week the topic on everyone’s hearts and minds is the story of those 3 girls in Cleveland. Kidnapped, imprisoned, raped and tortured. Can you even imagine 10 years of that? These were young girls when they were taken, just living their lives and then suddenly  they are living a horror movie. Can you imagine what it took for Amanda Berry to escape that day? The courage it took and the knowledge that she could be tortured further or even killed for taking the steps to save her life, the lives of the other girls and her own daughter. They will now have to find a way to begin living a real life again…and I’m sure every second will seem precious to all of them.

In spite of ANY thing in this life that happens, you can be sure of this: the Human Spirit never gives up- there is ALWAYS hope and you are as resilient and courageous as you need to be. The decision is yours. Be patient- your dreams will come true but you gotta pull a Nike- JUST DO IT !

Happy Mother’s Day to ALL you Moms !

Much love to everyone,



Are you a Fierce Bitch or are you just BITCHING ?



You have some time to yourself so you decide to log on to your favorite social media site. You look forward to seeing what your friends are up to, checking out your single friend’s funny pictures and your married friend’s “adorable” pictures of their children. You may even have something great to post yourself. You are scrolling down through all the breaking news and them BOOM- there is it. One of your Friends bitching about work, complaining about service they received or maybe even nailing some other unsuspecting Friend for some rude behavior. This has become so common and annoying and there always seems to be THE ONE who’s smiling face belies a personality that is closer to someone squeezing and twisting a Styrofoam egg carton in your face.

There are always things happening that annoy the crap out of us- all you need to do is walk out the door. Complaining constantly about it all says more about YOU than it does about the person or people inflicting the damage.  A bad attitude will get you a bad reputation and we all know that the world is severely lacking in those that possess grace and humor in difficult situations. Go and take an analysis of your Wall or Page. Are you bitching about random stuff most of the time ?  Are you constantly complaining about your job and coworkers ? Then there’s my favorite: Someone posts a cryptic, slightly disturbing message and when asked if anything is wrong by a well-intentioned friend, the person comes up with  “oh…it’s personal. Message me and I’ll tell you”. WHAT ?? If it was so “Personal” why in the world would you post it at ALL ?

If you are guilty of all or any of this, first try to understand that there is only one clear reason why you are doing it: ATTENTION. You want to be heard and you need to hear a kind word from your friends. The problem is that getting attention for negative behavior is BAD. This is the equivalent of a four year old throwing a huge tantrum in a grocery store. You show yourself to be immature and incapable of handling life’s usual craziness. You are no worse off than anyone else that leaves their home every day. YOU just seem to need a medal for it.

I know a girl in her early twenties that is in a Customer Service job. One of the most difficult things in life is serving the public and no one can blame her for the frustrations and craziness she encounters daily. The problem is that the bitching, whining and anger NEVER STOP on her Facebook page. One day, her job came to an end but instead of switching careers and finding something else to do that would be easier on her emotionally, she bitched and whined about losing the job ! She proceeded to nail her employer for the way it was handled and cry about how impossible it would be to make ends meet without the job, as she was already struggling. A few weeks later, she received another job in the same field. It was only a matter of a few days before the bitching and complaining resumed. This is a “nice’ girl and she is young but believe me, this behavior will not serve her well in the Professional World. Any potential hiring manager would take one look at her Facebook page (and they DO these days !) and shudder- there would be no way she would even be considered. As for her Friends,they care about her and want the best for her but it’s clear that she will always have difficulties unless her attitude changes.

Fierce Solution:

There are many ways to handle daily frustrations and there are many ways to handle yourself. Here are a few ways to be a little more Fierce and a little less Bitch:

 If you HATE your job- change it. There is something you would rather be doing, something you are good at and something that will pay you the same or better. Be positive, put the word out and consider everything. A willing heart and an open mind will get you anywhere you want to go.

DO NOT post negative, mean, incendiary or cryptic status updates. It is one thing to have a bad flight and post about it- it’s quite another to spend every day nailing the job that is providing you with a living. You may say that you do it with “humor” but no current employer will see it that way and no potential employer will consider you a risk worth taking. It’s not cute, it makes you look like a pain in the ass and it shows you to be immature and unprofessional.

Everything you post is there FOREVER- period. That alone should make you think HARD.  Your current situation is just that- current. Life changes and you will change. Do you really want to look back in a few years and cringe? Would you want your children to see ALL the stuff you do and say right now ? If you met the perfect partner tomorrow, what would he or she think of you after viewing your profile ?

Being a Fierce Bitch requires a good mind and a good heart. Check yourself and put your best self in focus. I will leave you with one of my all-time favorite quotes from a true Fierce Bitch, Maya Angelou:

“I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she handles three things:  a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas Tree lights”

 I’ve missed you ! Have a great week,





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TRAVEL – Isla Mujeres, Mexico – you gotta go !


I just back from the most incredible trip- probably the best vacation I’ve ever had- to Isla Mujeres, Mexico. Where ??? Ya…I had never heard of it either. It is a small island, 8 miles of the coast of Cancun. We were looking for a place to have a belated Honeymoon/First Anniversary trip. You see, we did a Destination Wedding to St. Thomas, USVI exactly a year before. People said “but that WAS a Honeymoon!”. NO..it was a “Destination Wedding” with our 6 children, ages between 24 & 14. You see the difference. We were not alone for that trip and in fact, in the last 4 ½ years that we have been together, we were pretty much NEVER alone. We wanted….no- we NEEDED a Honeymoon !

We looked around at all the usual spots- Tropical and Beachy: Hawaii, Cabo, Tahiti. We really wanted Costa Rica but it takes a day and a half to get there and we didn’t want to spend that much time en route. We looked at Denmark because my Husband is of Danish descent but the cost of the plane ride alone was outrageous. I subscribe to lots of Travel websites and I must have forwarded dozens of emails with incredible deals from Groupon and Living Social to my husband over the course of this year, hoping to tempt him with the right place at the right price. FINALLY, I saw a deal for The Villa Rolandi in Isla Mujeres. THE top rated boutique hotel in a spot that neither one of us had ever been to. Exotic enough, different enough, intimate and romantic. Trip Advisor had unanimous good reviews and the Living Social Deal price was so amazing that we strung two deals together to get a full week.  I was excited !.

Isla Mujeres turned out to be an absolute gem. I had been to Mexico before- Acapulco, back in the early 90’s and although it was fun, there were elements I didn’t care for and I even got sick as a dog for a couple of days. This place was different right from the start. It was charming, clean, beautiful and it was just….. “friendly”.  The Hotel Villa Rolandi picked us up in Cancun – which seemed to me to be Vegas on the water- and transported us by private yacht across the bay to the island. Upon arrival, we were greeted with Mimosas. I love upscale, boutique hotels and this one was the perfect blend of luxury and beauty without any kind of pretentiousness. They are friendly and not in a butt kissing- tip me well please !- kind of way.  It had great rooms, great food, a great private beach, a really nice spa and cool people.   I heard that U-2 once rented the whole place out for a week- I can see why they felt it was the perfect place to decompress.  It’s like you took a lovely pill that puts you in a serene state of relaxation. Check it out if you too NEED that kind of experience.


Isla Mujeres is a small island. You can see it all in a rented golf cart or by taking a taxi. The downtown area is a delightful, busy place lined with little restaurants and shops. Everyone beckons you to come and eat and to come and buy but it’s done in a friendly, easy-going way. You are not attacked the way you are in other tourist destinations and if you give them a polite “No, thank you”, you are left alone.  The food is mainly seafood and Italian and you are given generous portions. My husband went nuts for the Mariscos Chile Relleno  at Mininos, a small restaurant/bar that is right on the sand of Playa Norte.  You can sit there and watch the fishing boats bring in their daily catch. We went back another time and tried Conch…didn’t care for the rubbery consistency but the garlic/butter sauce it was cooked in was delish. I had some delicious lobster tails at Fayne’s, a cute place with sidewalk dining, live music and an incredibly animated, talkative Manager that made it fun. You can eat in a cool, different place every night. Although this is not a place with anything that can be labeled  as “raging night life”, you can have a fun evening pretty much anywhere you go.

Historically, the island was a place that Mayan women came to for a fertility blessing from the godess Ixchel. There is a small ruin on the south eastern tip of the island. Probably the most beautiful coast line you may ever see is there. The water is the most amazing shades of emerald and turquoise and the waves pound one side, while on the other side, the sea is gentle and shallow. You can hike along a rocky trail with pot holes and iguanas along the way. You really do feel as though you are on an adventure. The beauty of the land and sea coming together is exquisite. I sat there thinking of what it must have looked like all those years ago to a Mayan woman, coming across the water, hoping  and praying that the trip was worth it and that the godess would bless her with a child. How incredible it must have been to see nothing but green land and turquoise sea and nothing else. If it was amazing to me in this era of technology and money and politics, imagine what it was in pristine, natural beauty before all those things changed it forever. You can get lost in those thoughts for a bit but when you look across the water and see Cancun and all it’s high rises, you appreciate it so much more and drink it all in with reverence.


Even though this is a small, tranquil little place it just makes you feel good. The whole time I was there, I just appreciated it so much. You know the “vibe” you get from places when you travel….. sometimes, you just feel right and you wake up feeling happy, and relaxed and like you are in the right place at the right time. It’s not for those of you that need non-stop excitement, raging night life, extreme sports or  constant action. If you can take it down a notch, tone down the glamour and just appreciate a little simplicity in a beautiful, friendly setting- Isla Mujeres is for you.

If you decide to take a trip to Isla Mujeres- give these spots a visit:

Hotel Villa Rolandi- check out my review on Trip Advisor:


Dolphin Discovery- swim with the dolphins!  It’s a tourist spot for sure but you get full buffet and open bar included (yes!  can you believe it ?!). It’s fun and a really special way to spend the day


Zama Beach Club- upscale beautiful beach club with a pool and jacuzzi as well. Yachts containing wealthy locals and their families pull up to hang for the day. They have amazing food ( the BEST Lobster Quesadilla ever!) and a full bar. The beach itself has lounge beds and chaises and the water is shallow and clear.


Mininos- excellent food on the sand in Playa Norte. They have live music and large portions.

Punta Sur, Mayan Temple and Sculpture Garden- See the small Mayan ruin and gorgeous coastline. Gift shop, snack bar and cool sculptures along the way.


If you have any questions, feel free to contact me any time.

Happy Holidays,